Unmute !
I showed this video to my 2 y/o niece last night and now every time I get out my phone near her she says “chicken. song”
[A bombastic orchestral piece plays, to which the chicken steps in time.]
men who I’ve never met but 100% trust solely based on how I’ve heard them talk about their wives
feel free to add more good boys
You also have these baby teenage mutant ninja turtles to protect you.
This is actually such a good tactic for people with serious anxiety problems. Thank you. Really. Omg.
You also have these baby teenage mutant ninja turtles to protect you.
This is actually such a good tactic for people with serious anxiety problems. Thank you. Really. Omg.
men who I’ve never met but 100% trust solely based on how I’ve heard them talk about their wives
feel free to add more good boys
Human went to a conference for 2 days, kitty missed him. (via DangerWallet)
When you don’t kitty check in for 48 hours
The Retromini (Retro mini) is a handheld console which can play GB, GBC, GBA and NES Games. It has L+R triggers for GBA games and includes 508 Games into one convenient player that fits in your pocket, with the potential to hold hundreds more games with its MicroSD slot. You can find the Retro Mini HERE!
2. RetroGame (+SNES/SEGA Supported)
I’m going to save up for a new motorcycle by running a scam where I bet straight dudes at bars twenty bucks that I can get a girl’s number in under five minutes and then politely walk up her and say, “I just bet that asshole twenty bucks that I could get your number. I’ll split it with you if you pretend to laugh like I just said a good pick up line and then write a fake number on my hand.”
Like, I never understood those kind of bets in those shitty teen movies. Everybody loves being part of a scheme, man. Use your head.
If anyone ever does this to me I’ll call them out on being a con artist.
Joke’s on you, buddy. That’ll only have consequences the first, what, couple dozen times? I can take a punch.
But then eventually, I’ll have money for the bike, and whenever I get called out, I’ll just speed off, and, sure, maybe I crash and die in a gutter and the police can’t figure out why I have hundreds of fake phone numbers stuffed in my jacket and it launches a huge investigation that becomes sort of a local legend, but you know whose problem that is? Not fucking mine.
Because I’m a slutty motorcycle ghost, and who’s gonna’ stop me then? The ghost cops? Nice try. Everybody knows cops can’t become ghosts because they just go straight to hell. It’s basic math.
Moral of the story, don’t be a con artist or you will die in a horrible accident and become a lonely ghost.
First of all, don’t you ever accuse me of having morals, narrative or otherwise, ever again.
And second, where did I say I’d be lonely? I’d be a ghost on a motorcycle. That’s the sexiest thing that there is. You look me in the eyes and tell me you wouldn’t bone Ghostrider. Look me in the goddamn eyes.
biggest-gaudiest-patronuses
